I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
ok first of all what the fuck
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