Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
