There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
