Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
