I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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