Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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