We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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