There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
