Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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