hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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