I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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