he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
