Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
