so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize