What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize