today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
