Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
