I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You are the jesus of drinking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
