why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
