at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
