Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
