this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
