This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize