So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
