I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ruined the universe
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
