Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
