toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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