No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
