I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
