Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They took my balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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