70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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