im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
