she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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