perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize