When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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