i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
