K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
