I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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