The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
