he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
