You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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