wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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