Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
