Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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