My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
