Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
