That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
