I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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