I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize