Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
