It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
