i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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