woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
