he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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