Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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