Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
