Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
