I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
