i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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