Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
