What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize