My liver just broke up with me...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
