does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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