I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
