The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
