The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bring me that man meat
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
