my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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