Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
