he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize