I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
