I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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