she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
