at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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