i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i need some magic done to my vagina
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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