Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A bitchslap is in order.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
