I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
