5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
