You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
