If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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