something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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