new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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