arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
