Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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