a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
