you traded sex for a burrito?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
