Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
