she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
