whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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