Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
