like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You made out with two different species that night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
