i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
