Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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