Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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