Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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