as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
