My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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