I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize