you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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