i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
