im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize