Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
