IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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