i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
